on adulthood

Tonight I threw away my journals.  I have been on a mission to simplify, to get rid of the stuff.  And tonight, my journals went, but first I read them.  I kept journals fairly regularly from high school through college, horribly embarrassing journals that I could barely re-read and would never subject my children to if the journals happened to live on longer than me.  I wrote about friendship, a lot about good friendships - I have had incredible friends in my life.  I wrote about boys, so very much about boys.  I loved Chris; oh my goodness I loved him then in a way I barely remember now.  Not more or less or better or worse, but different.  Occasionally I would come home after drinking (Grog House frequently noted) and rant away in pretty colored pens.  Fights with friends.  Royal Village drama.  Mark the Baptist (noted here because I had forgotten most of him).  Vicars.  The agony of deciding where to go to college.  Summers.  Quotes.  Poems.  Ridiculously trivial sections (e.g. lots of talk about tanning) and parts that sound like me today (e.g. I want a boy who loves God and Dave Matthews and plays board games).  

What hit me is that I have been married nearly as long as the period during which these journals were written.  The time during which I journaled was a period of intense feelings and change and growth; and now, here I am: adulthood.  I have no regrets.  I am happy and I lead an intensely fortunate life.  And I think it is okay if I miss Journal Me a little even if I embrace adulthood.  It is not my turn anymore.  Annie and Maren will be the ones who make beautiful pre-marriage friendships ('cause they are different), meet boys, go to college, think big thoughts, and, hopefully, write in journals.

yes, we still have a dog

Poor Tobes - I love him.  Maren just adores Tobes, which means that Annie decided she loves him too (M and A often have this weird reverse-big-sister thing where Annie wants to be like Maren, but I guess I get that because my sister was a nurse first!), which means poor Toby is hugged to death, used as a chair, and followed around all day long.

as much as I hate pacifiers and I do hate pacifiers...

...I happen to hate crying more.  And Maren loves pacifiers.  Like crazy, lunatic loves pacifiers.  My very-little-talking girl will give me "pa" all day long.

Annie's birthday letter

Annie my dear,

Happy fourth birthday to my fabulous girl! 

You have grown up SO much this year.  You don't look too much different than lasts year, but you have changed a lot.  Here are some things you are up to right now:

• Ballet-dancing.  You are taking the summer off, but you loved it.  You were the sweetest little ballerina I have ever seen and you worked so hard during your recital.
• Creativity.  You draw, you paint, you dress up - you are the star of creativity.  I love it.
• Story-telling and listening.  I can't wait until you can write because you tell a great story.  You especially have a love of spooky stories; which at first I found a bit odd, but I decided it was normal because they always have happy endings.
• Soft-speaking.  Your voice is still so small and sweet that we are forever saying, "you have to talk louder, Annie!"  You talk. A.  Lot.
• Sister-loving: You are a gentle and nice big sister.  You just plain like having Maren around.  You are almost always patient and love to play with her.
• Beach-loving: You aren't the best swimmer I have ever seen (our fault - not yours!), but you love the beach, the ocean, and the pool.
• Cute-looking: You weigh 37 pounds (~65th percentile) and are 42 inches tall (90th percentile).  Your hair is white-blonde and curly and you let me do all sorts of awesome hairdo's.
• Show-watching: You usually watch a show in the morning, and you still like Dora, but you have added whatever is on Netflix to your list as well; e.g. Strawberry Shortcake and Angelina Ballerina.  And you have started liking movies - such a big girl.
• Game-playing: You love puzzles and games, and I do too!  It is so fun that you can play them now.

You made me a mom four years ago, and you have continued to bring me joy each and every day!  We love you so much.

Mom