feeling positive

I really am! This is going to happen! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but MAYBE!

By the way, we both think it is a boy. Either way is great, though. Seriously. I know this because when I go through phases where I think it's a girl, I'm sad it's not a boy; and when I go through phases where I think it's a boy, I'm sad it's not a girl!

Pros for girl: Annie wants a girl, matching clothes, more toy sharing, easier room sharing (they are sharing either way), Annie gets a sister

Pros for boy: one of each, Chris gets a boy, Annie gets a brother

dear annie

Dear Annie,

You are about to be a big sister! I can't believe it because you still seem so tiny to me. You are just over 2 1/2 and the light of our lives. Here are some really awesome things about you:

• You have a fabulous internal thermometer and never seem to be cold or hot.



• You are funny. You even made up your own joke: Knock, knock. who's there? Quesa. quesa who? Quesadilla.



• You like to eat dinner as a family at the table. The other night we tried to feed you early because we were having shrimp that wasn't ready quite yet and it was late and your eyes filled with tears.



• You have already started asking lots of questions; e.g. where does Sarah live? Where is Ponte Vedra? Where is not too far? Where is 20 minutes? etc....



• You like to match (with me, with baby, with Grammy, etc.) and you like to end statements/questions with names; e.g. You wearing your leggings like me today, Mom? You want to eat breakfast with me, Gram?



• You are a problem with clothes. On the days you are allowed to fully pick out your clothes (usually we do choices), you pull all your clothes out of the drawers and declare, "I not like any of these clothes." And you really don't. You only like your horribly ugly Sesame shirt with Zoe on it, which is exceptionally weird because you don't even watch the show. Yesterday you wore your Sesame shirt to school. I dropped you off and you told Emma, "Hi Emma. I wearing my Sesame shirt." and Emma said, "Again?" Even she noticed! Ha!



• You have fabulously awesome hair. A month or so ago, when I was combing your wet hair, you looked in the mirror and started crying, "where my curls go?" You know they are your best feature, but I know that you will be begging for me to straighten them in 13 years!



• Your memory is phenomenal. It never ceases to amaze me. Seriously, you are two and you are sharper than me. You remember random stuff and small stuff and old stuff.



• You are extremely aware, always listening, always learning.



• You like to help, especially in the kitchen. I hear you say, "I help you?" and then in you come with (usually) your orange chair. Orange and red are your favorite colors.



• You have a favorite song: "Mary's Place" by Bruce Springsteen, which you like to listen to on repeat. You also like "Tiny Dancer."



• You like to make up verses to Wheels on the Bus too. This has been top entertainment around here for at least 8 months.



• While new-ish favorite activities include puzzles, painting, and games, your all-time favorite activity is still putting all your friends to bed on "maps" face down with blankets on top. Then waking them up, then putting them back to sleep...



• You love Dora. I'm OK with it. She's a good role model and the episodes are less than 20 minutes with no commercials.



• You really, really want a sister. "Sister is girl, brudder is boy. I want sister." And two nights ago, "let's pray for Ben or Maren" and you said, "I pray for Maren only." Um, I think you might be in for a wake up call.



• You love parties, but not in a wild, center of attention way. You are like Dad in that you just like to be around people. You can be quiet or loud, but either way, you like going out, trying new things, and meeting new people. It is a good way to be.



• You are slowly potty training, but I think you would get it faster if we worked it harder!



• You know lots of letters and can count forever. As Miss Social Butterfly, you do the best knowing the starting letters of your friends, like "look, here's your 'M,' Mom." "There's Toby's tuh."



• You are still a good eater, but it is just impossible to know what you will eat on a given day. You like weird things like olives and have a bit of a meat-texture aversion.



• You like to know who's who and what's going on. Every morning I tell you what day it is and where you are going and what you are doing. You like to know the coming events, and you like to know what we did at work too; e.g. "who's daddy's friends at work?"



• You think all football is the Gators. Love this one! "Look, Dad, it's your Gators."

You are pleasant, interesting, curious, and bright. You are a joy to be around. You like to talk. A lot. You like to listen too, though. You are sensitive and sweet but neither of those with an annoying connotation because you are also independent and brave. You are just good company and a fabulous daughter and you are going to be a wonderful big sister!

Love,

Mom

quickie update

BP holding. Had membranes stripped today. It hurt. Cramping but nothing really regular. C-section set for 3/3 if I don't go naturally before then. Think positive thoughts!

for the record

Please pass this along: if I end up with a c-section and you say to me, "oh, well, as long as the baby is healthy, that is what really matters," I am not going to be your friend anymore. Thanks.

I have until at least Tuesday after decent (130/90) BP and a sparkling NST/BPP at ROC today. I am starting to feel more positive about my VBAC chances again. It is a full moon today and anything can happen! (like labor, possibly labor, think labor.....)

you do read my updates!

Warms my heart. I passed, not borderline passed, but passed with flying colors my protein screen, so I bought myself at least until Friday when I go for another NST/BPP. I feel a bit crampy, not maybe I should pack my bag crampy, but at least like something might happen at some time in the nearish future. So good news all around and thanks for the good thoughts and prayers! Maybe I should pack my bag.

today would have been my c-section

Based on my original due date, today would have been 39 weeks and my scheduled c-section. And it is looking a little like I only bought myself a couple days by switching doctors. Ugh. My BP has been slowly rising for the past three weeks and today there was a bit more than trace amounts of protein in my urine, so off to L&D I went. I passed my blood work and my BP went down, but I am doing a 24-hour urine and, if I fail, then I am guessing my c-section will be Thursday or Friday. Yay. I have a headache and a general feeling of crapiness, but those aren't really new feelings. But they are symptoms of preeclampsia. No swelling. This is a good sign. Sorry this is all over the place, but I am pretty bummed. I was feeling really negative earlier and am now feeling somewhere equally between positive and negative. If my protein is clear, I can stay pregnant, BP be darned. My doctor was really nice today, very positive. She called me out on my negativity, but come one, don't tell me that the ideal situation is for me to go into labor today. Nothing, no signs of labor. And somehow I wanted to preserve these senseless thoughts for posterity? Oy. I wish I were a shorter gestator. Pic by Chris and a self-portrait:

wordless wednesday: new baby purchase modeled by Annie