maren is still nursing (and I only kinda care what you think)

I had thought to title this post "Maren is still nursing (and I don't care what you think)" but evidently I care a bit because I do feel the need to make a few comments on the situation.  Edited to add later: I should probably have broken these up into separate posts because this is long; but this way, if you don't want to read about breastfeeding, you can skip them all by skipping this post rather than skipping ten separate ones!
Just the Facts:

• The American Academy of Pediatrics: "The American Academy of Pediatrics reaffirms its recommendation of exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months, followed by continued breastfeeding as complementary foods are introduced, with continuation of breastfeeding for 1 year or longer as mutually desired by mother and infant. Medical contraindications to breastfeeding are rare."
• The World Health Organization: "Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond."

I Didn't Start Off this Way, or, If You Think Part of My Views Come from Unresolved Personal Issues, You Might be Right!
Back before Annie, I had hoped to have a natural childbirth, breastfeed for about a year, and work parttime.  Well, I didn't get my natural childbirth, so I really wanted to make sure breastfeeding got off on the right foot.  It didn't.  It was so hard - nipple shields, bleeding, aching, pumping, crying (me and her).  I was damned and determined to keep at it because I had lost my birth experience.  Then, as the reality set in that I would be going back to work fulltime, it became my goal to give Annie nothing but breastmilk.  I had trouble pumping enough when I was away from her (the unexpected benefit of going away for Sarah's bachelorette party weekend meant that I stockpiled milk for Mare, tricked my body into making more, and had no trouble pumping enough at work).  Around 10 months, I wasn't really pumping enough to send to Grandma's the next day, so I tried to give her a bottle of formula.  At that point, it was too late and she wouldn't take it, so I pumped at all hours to squeeze out enough.  She ended up nursing until she was 16 months.  Nursing Maren has been a breeze from day one.  She was big and strong when she was born and she is more of a nursing enthusiast than Annie ever was.  Though there was an initial struggle, somewhere along the way, it evolved into, "we breastfeed our babies in this family."

Breastfeeding as a Choice: Clearly it is a choice to breastfeed your baby or not.  Hospitals do not have LEO's (Lactation Enforecement Officers, obviously).  In my opinion, it is the natural and better choice.  To give you an analogy, I also think that organic fruits and vegetables are better.  I rarely buy them because we eat a lot of fruit and vegetables and organic is too expensive.  Am I going to stop eating healthy food because I can't afford a slighly better version?  Nope.  I cannot come up with a clever way to tie up my analogy, but let's just say that there is nothing wrong with formula.

Breastfed Babies are Calmer and Display Healthy Attachment to Parents: Both my girls are/were calm babies and toddlers and both display a healthy attachment to Chris and me.  I do attribute it, in part, to letting them nurse as long as they want, both in duration of nursing session and length of time in months.  The million other reasons why they are calm range from personality to routines to a peaceful household, but I consider breastfeeding a key contributor.  Which brings us to...

Breastfeeding Mothers are Cheap and Lazy: Formula is expensive! Also, I have no "tools" for crying, unhappy babies. I have some toddler tools, but nursing is pretty much my go-to for whatever is wrong with Maren.  Nursing babies stop crying, cuddle up, and emerge a happier version of themselves.  I have no concept of what non-nursing mothers do in the middle of the night when their babies wake up.

Pumping SUCKS: God bless all the pumping mothers out there!

How Chris Feels about Breastfeeding:  I will ask him, but I am not actually sure he does think much about it.  There is certainly the "this is how we do babies" factor at this point.  He has asked me, "how long do you think you will breastfeed Maren?" And whether it is the look (no words are needed) I give him or his genuine feelings or some combination of both, he wholeheartedly agrees that Maren is not ready to wean.  I have heard him recommending breastfeeding to his friends (he also recommends knocking up your wife so you can have a designated driver for 9 months so I am not sure how reliable he is), and he never hesitates to bring me a crying/whining Maren with the words, "she needs some milk."

On Nursing in Public: For someone who would like to lose maybe 15 pounds, I lack a lot of body issues.  I like my body.  It's strong and healthy and powerful.  I could care less if you see me nursing.  Example: You invite me to dinner.  We never go anywhere and you have been kind enough to welcome us into your home for three hours.  I am not going to spend 30 minutes of that time hiding in the back room nursing.  Remember, we don't get invited as a family to dinner very often.  I try to cover up with little babies, but it is just too hard to cover up a non-newborn baby because they don't want it.  Anyone at the beach is way less covered up than a nursing mother anyway.

Cultural Norms: I dislike the cultural norms in this country concerning nursing.  I dislike the fact that mothers have to return to work before a breastfeeding relationship is established and that, once they return to work, a comfortable place to pump is not always provided.  (I went to a training at my MAIN OFFICE in December and they told me to pump in the BATHROOM.  Ick.)  I dislike it when people sexualize breastfeeding.  I dislike play baby bottles for little girls and I dislike being closed about breastfeeding with children.  Sometimes when I nurse in public, I like doing it because I hope I am desensitizing people.  I think we should celebrate babies (nursing infants should be invited everywhere) and motherhood and breastfeeding!

How I Feel about YOUR Breastfeeding (or Lack Thereof): This is honestly where the idea for this post came from.  First of all, I wish I knew more moms in real life who were a little more natural, pro-extended-breastfeeding, pro-cloth, pro-no-cry-it-out, etc.  If you were my friend and chose not to nurse at the very beginning, my initial feeling would be surprise, as in, I thought we had more in common or I thought I knew you better than that.  I would feel sad because I would think you were missing something special.  As for those who breastfeed some and stop, my feelings really have less to do with you than with outside issues (see also cultural norms section).  I get extremely frustrated by all the bad advice that new moms hear from their moms and grandmothers and aunts and sisters and pediatricians and nurses at the hospital; about how "they need to supplement because baby is losing weight" or "they aren't making enough milk" or "you can breastfeed and do formula both" or "you should stop nursing so dad can help at night."  People mean well, but why can't we just TRUST our bodies and TRUST our babies?  We let the doubts and the questions enter; we're emotional and want the very best for our new baby, and it is just so hard.  Please know that the moms I know are loving and wonderful.  I love my friends' kids because it is just so fun having an adorable little extension of them.  I respect your decisions as a mother and I think mothers need to support each other.  However...

Know Your Audience: I belong to a wonderful, supportive facebook group for our local ICAN chapter, which is a group of moms who have had cesarean sections.  I have only gone to one meeting, but I do read a lot of the facebook posts because they are inspirational and I get it.  [Total side note: I am certain that having a c-section and working full time have not made me a better or a worse mother, but I am positive these things have made me a better woman.]  Anyway, one time a member posted about how she wanted to wean her seven month old because she had started working out and wanted to start a strict diet in order to lose weight faster.  She was looking for tips on how to wean to formula because her baby was not having it.  The group comments were all very nice, but they were like this: "maybe baby knows best" and "are you sure you're both ready to wean?" and "after he gets solids established, he'll nurse less," etc.  My point here is that you and I might not agree on breastfeeding decisions.  If you are as comfortable with your decision as I am with mine, who cares?!  (I actually don't care if you think I'm weird if Maren nurses until she is three, but I don't want you to think that I am thinking badly of you if you decide differently.)  If you want advice from me, it is always going to be, "your supply is fine, put that baby on your breast, you are doing great, keep it up."  So, if you want pro-breastfeeding support, call me!  If you don't want that, call someone else!  But feel free to call me if you want to talk about meeting baby milestones, first foods, strollers, carseats, baby toys, taking your baby to the beach, diaper rash, baby acne, baby dandruff, cutting baby nails, childcare, crying, whining, napping, not napping, short napping, late napping, skipping naps, switching to one nap, napping in the swing, napping in the car, napping in your arms only...

Breastfeeding is HARD at First.  And then one day it isn't anymore.  And then one day you realize it is one of the most amazing things you have ever done.