I got a job and I am excited, though not EXCITED!!! I will be working for the United Way as the coordinator for one of their Full Service School sites. My commute will be a grand total of 2 minutes, but it is going to be a busy full-time job.
As many of you know, since I have been pregnant, I had planned on going back to work part-time. I thought I had a great part-time position, but that fell through, and since then, I have been trying to figure out what to do, the big dilemma being to struggle as a family with me working part-time or go back full-time. The truth is that we (we meaning the Prevatts but also, I guess, we as a country) are in a very different situation now than we were six months ago. I have a husband who works (VERY HARD) in sales with a commission-based salary, and the economy is not good. I was scared that we weren't going to be able to pay the bills in the coming months, and now I know we can. So, that's good.
Yet, when I got offered the job, I hung up the phone and cried! I have enjoyed being home with Anne more than I can possibly say. It truly has been the happiest, simplest, most joyful time in my life. I didn't know how motherhood was going to feel; I didn't know how hard it was going to be to go back to work.
Do you know the feeling when you really, really want your husband/boyfriend/parent/whoever to say just the right thing and then they say completely the opposite? (You know this feeling). Well, Chris did the opposite and said just the right thing today. I told him I got the job, he asked me why I was crying and I told him, and he told me that we will figure it out, that if this doesn't work out in the best way for our family, I can do something else, that this isn't a lifetime commitment; this is what works now.
Annie will be going to Bea's (Chris's mom) 4 days a week and to the tag team of Nana and my mom 1 day a week. The saying, "it takes a village...," comes to mind. My hope is that Annie will have several strong relationships and will always feel loved, but these are my fears:
- That Annie won't know I'm her mom.
- That I'll feel sad for missing all the big milestones (her first STEP, her first WORD!)
- That she'll refuse to nurse and/or my milk supply will diminish while pumping and we'll have to give her some formula.
One fear that I don't have is whether or not Annie will thrive. She is doing so well. She really is a wonderful baby, and I know she'll do well wherever she is. I do hope she misses me a little but I really know she'll be fine.
I will report on my new job, but I'm going to try hard not to complain beyond this post. This is life and you do what you gotta do. It actually is a job that I am going to enjoy and that I am going to rock, and Annie is going to know that she has two parents who love each other and love her. The rest will fall into place.
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